


when the sunlight fades

by orphan_account



Series: sol(ace) [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Family, Father-Son Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 15:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5502113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Han turned to see his son standing before him, his smile as bright as the stars.' </p>
<p>This is the story of how Ben Solo fell. </p>
<p>It is not happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when the sunlight fades

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I saw TFA for the third time and was inspired.  
> Ben Solo is trash, pass it on.

Ben Solo had loved his parents.  

His mother was stern, focused on restoring some semblance of peace to the galaxy and always working harder than she needed, but she was warm and kind. She had given Ben all she had, had given him her whole heart and had tried to give more. Ben’s hero was his father. When he laughed sunlight poured out of his mouth and Ben basked in its warmth.  

Ben Solo had loved his parents, and they had loved him in return.    

_(‘Dad! Can I have a go? Please! I’ll be careful, I promise.’_

_Han turned to see his son standing before him, his smile as bright as the stars. In his arms Ben clutched Han’s old blaster, it was too old to do any real damage but it was a weapon none the less. Leia would hate it._

_‘Sorry Ben, not today.’_

_‘Please dad, I’ll be_ extra _careful! I promise,’ Ben’s voice was dismayed, but his eyes shone with determination._

_‘Fine, but only because it’ll be useful. And you have to promise not to tell your mother.’_

_Ben had laughed so hard it shook the trees)_

 

They watched over him as he grew, tampered his temper, and doted on him, had refused to see anything dark in their child. Ben was their joy, their prodigy. He had been their light, their path to a new brighter future.

He was their perfect child, they could see no wrong and then neither could he. They could not see it when his occasional tempers turned to resentment. Ben was shrouded in darkness but all they could see was the memory of light.   

This was where they went wrong.  

_(‘No! I don’t want to. I have to practice! You can’t make me go.’ Ben’s small frame shook with anger, lips twisted into an angry sneer._

_‘Ben Solo! Don’t talk to your father that way!’ Leia’s voice was calm and firm, but her heart wasn’t in it._

_‘Mum!’ Ben didn’t understand, they wanted him to be a Jedi, the best Jedi, but still insisted he wasted his time when he could have been practicing. When he could have been getting better, fulfilling his duty._

_‘Ben, for once, just do what you’re told,’ there was no edge to her words, she didn’t really care._

_‘Honey, don’t worry about it. He’s old enough to look after himself.’ Han said._

_He and his wife shared a look, and Ben knew that look. It was the stare that spoke more freely than words ever could._

_Finally, Leia relented. ‘You can stay here Ben, but I want to you call every hour. And call your uncle if you need anything.’_

_‘Thank you, thank you!’ Ben rushed forwards, his small frame enveloped by Han’s as they met in a hug._

_‘I’m sorry I yelled at you.’_

_To Ben, his father’s laugh still sounded like sunshine. Han was still his hero.)_

 

It wasn’t until after Ben turned 11 and his uncle Luke had visited that they had first caught a glimpse of Dark in their son.  

Luke had come with his beautiful young daughter, who, despite her young age showed massive potential in the force. She, Rey, was everything to Luke, and suddenly Han and Leia loved her too. They looked at her with doting eyes, and they couldn’t tear their eyes away from her. They couldn’t see that their son was crawling further and further away.

But Luke could, and it was Luke who found Ben standing in the blast zone of his own rage. A shaking figure; overflowing with wrath and envy.  

Luke had seen the darkness in his nephew, and it was a frightening thing.  

 

_(‘What do you mean?’ Han’s tone was cold and detached. Everyone in the room felt the anger spewing from him; an icy rage that shattered everything in sight, so different from the explosive wrath of his son._

_‘I believe Ben is in danger of falling for the Darkside,’ Luke’s reply was calm; a reflection of his Jedi nature._

_This time Han just turned around and fled, his hands shaking._

_‘What should we do?’ Leia asked once her husband was out of sight. Luke could see the fragility spilling through the gaps in her steely exterior._

_‘I think… I think that Ben should start training full time at the Temple, alongside his peers. I will be there to monitor him and help him see sense.’_

_The words resounded in the room, a painful reminder of how they had failed._

_‘Maybe that would be for the best.’)_

 

Han and Leia sent their only child away when he was 12 years old.

They did not see him again until he was 15, and when they finally saw him again they could sense that something was wrong with their Ben. Ben had once filled the room with lilting ring of his laugh, the constant warmth of his voice. Now there was a darkness surrounding him, and it swallowed all the light it touched.

Ben was cold and cruel, made entirely of anger and strife. His tone was abrasive and distant, and he never laughed.

Luke had warned them that Ben needed to devote himself entirely to his training, that it would be better for everyone if they had no involvement in it. Maybe a call once every few weeks, anything else would be too much.

They had listened to this, and now they did not know if their son loved them anymore.

_(‘Ben, are you going to come out with us tonight?’ Leia’s tone was cautious, she did not know what would set her son off._

_‘No.’ The response was biting, burning._

_‘Are you sure? It’ll only be for a few hours.’ Leia knew she should back down, but more than that she knew she shouldn’t be scared of her own son._

_‘Yes! I need to practice.’_

_‘Ben, it’s been years…’_

_‘I’m aware of that,’ Han and Leia both could hear the anger simmering just beneath the surface._

_Han laughed tightly to break the tension, and where Ben once heard sunlight he heard instead the bleak reality of weakness.)_

 

It was another 6 months until they heard from the Jedi temple again.  

During that six months Han and Leia had hardly spoken outside necessity. Leia had sharpened her focus entirely onto uniting the galaxy and destroying the rising ‘First Order’. Han was looking towards the stars more and more. The memories of Ben, memories of laying in the grass as the sunlight warmed their faces, the memories dreams long discarded, these memoires where all that held them together.

But then Luke called, and they lost _everything._

_(‘I’m sorry, but Ben… Ben turned.’ Luke’s voice was bitter, he had failed. Failed himself, failed his sister and brother, and failed Ben._

_‘What do you mean?’ Han’s voice is hysteric and Leia can’t even breathe._

_‘He…Snoke has seduced him, manipulated him into worshiping the Dark. Worshiping Vader.’ Luke replied hesitantly._

_No!’ Han’s voice was loud and definite, but it was also brittle. He grabbed for Leia and held her close, one last time._

_‘Ben has destroyed everything…’_

_Han heard Luke’s voice but all he could see was his son standing in front of him, a smile wider than the whole universe etched onto his face and a battered blaster in his hands.)_

 

Han does not see his son’s face again until it is far, far too late.

They are standing on a bridge, and Han knows he is going to die but he is not scared. Not anymore.

Han Solo doesn’t know if Ben still loves him, but that doesn’t matter. Because no matter what, Han will always love his precious child of sunlight and laughter.

_('Thank you.')_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, comments are always appreciated.


End file.
